Navigating Grief: A Personal Journey Without a Timeline
Grief is an emotion we all encounter at some point in our lives, whether through the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the profound changes that accompany life transitions. David Kessler, a leading expert on grief, poignantly describes it as "a process, a journey; it does not have prescribed dimensions, and it does not end at a certain date." These words resonate deeply, especially in a world that often expects us to "move on" within a specific timeframe.
The truth is, grief is as unique as each of us. It’s not a linear process, nor does it follow a set path. It ebbs and flows, sometimes feeling overwhelming and other times almost fading into the background, only to resurface unexpectedly. This unpredictability is part of the journey—a journey that can feel isolating but doesn’t have to be.
As you navigate your grief, it’s important to honor your process, recognizing that there is no "right" way to grieve. The societal pressure to rush through these emotions can be detrimental, leading to unresolved feelings and prolonged pain. Instead, allow yourself the space to feel, to process, and to heal in your own time.
In moments of deep sorrow, it can be challenging to know what we need or how to articulate it. Brené Brown, known for her work on vulnerability and connection, asks a profound question: "What does love and support look like to me right now? What do I need?" This simple inquiry can be transformative, encouraging us to check in with ourselves and communicate our needs to those around us.
Support during grief doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes it’s a quiet presence, a listening ear, or the comforting silence shared with someone who understands. Other times, it might be solitude, a walk in nature, or the gentle practice of mindfulness and gratitude. Whatever it is, it’s important to recognize that your needs may change from day to day, and that’s okay.
This is where the "three Cs" come into play: Choose, Connect, and Communicate.
Choose: Choose what’s best for you. In the midst of grief, it’s essential to make choices that honor your well-being. This might mean setting boundaries, saying no to certain activities, or prioritizing self-care. Your grief journey is yours alone, and you have the right to choose how you navigate it.
Connect: Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Connecting with others, whether through a support group, a trusted friend, or a counsellor, can provide the comfort of knowing you are not alone in your experience. These connections can offer perspective, empathy, and the reassurance that your feelings are valid.
Communicate: Communicate your needs clearly. As Brené Brown suggests, asking yourself what love and support look like to you right now is key. Once you’ve identified your needs, don’t be afraid to express them to those around you. Whether it’s asking for space, seeking a hug, or requesting help with daily tasks, clear communication is vital in receiving the support that truly serves you.
In my work as a holistic counsellor, I’ve seen how crucial it is to embrace these questions and the "three Cs," to be gentle with ourselves, and to seek support in whatever form feels right. Whether you are in the depths of grief or supporting someone who is, remember that this journey doesn’t have a map or an end date. It’s a path that we walk with compassion, both for ourselves and others.
As you continue on your journey, take time to ask yourself: What does love and support look like to me right now? What do I need? Choose what’s best for you, connect with those who can support you, and communicate your needs. And most importantly, give yourself permission to grieve in the way that feels right for you.
